Blames others for her/his mistakes
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
Actively avoiding the weight and consequences of taking responsibility for oneself.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with anger or immediate punishment when the child passes blame to others will not break the habit of dodging responsibility or teach them a how to handle a mistake any better.
It will put them into a deeper survival state where they are even more motivated to do whatever it takes to avoid bringing any further negative attention or consequence to themselves.
What The Child Needs
1. To see the upside of taking personal responsibility: Discuss the importance of personal responsibility and how it helps us learn and grow from our mistakes. Explain that blaming others doesn't solve problems but taking responsibility empowers us to undo what we did, erase the associated bad feelings in ourselves and others, and even come out of the situation a better person.
2. Corrective problem-solving skills: Help the child brainstorm constructive ways to address his/her mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
3. Accountability with emotional safety: Hold the child accountable for his/her actions in an environment where the child can acknowledge their mistakes without fear of judgment or punishment.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a place free of distractions where the child will feel comfortable talking freely.
Begin the conversation calmly, expressing that you have noticed recently the child has been placing blame for their actions onto other people.
Continue with empathy, expressing that you know how bad it can feel when you didn't do something as well as you wanted, or that you knew you shouldn't have, but taking responsibility for it and ownership of the consequences can oftentimes make what happened no big deal.
Work through the list of what they need in a tone that makes them feel like you are helping them unlock a new and essential skill of managing their mistakes - one they will need for the rest of their life (as everyone does and will continue to make mistakes now and then!).
Ideally your child comes away from the conversation understanding that mistakes happen, and that it is better to focus on how you are going to handle it instead of trying to distance yourself from it.