Dressing inappropriately to gain attention
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
An unmet need for attention and validation.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with criticism or shaming the child for their choice of clothing will not address the underlying issue, and will likely push them away or cause them to rebel.
What The Child Needs
1. To build up their self-esteem: Take a moment to reflect to the child all their great traits. Have them write them down if helpful, so they can revisit if needed to remember their worthiness. Fostering a positive self-image and the ability to self-validate will lead to the child seeking attention in healthier ways.
2. A reminder why those types of clothes are inappropriate: The child probably already knows, but take this opportunity to reiterate the importance of appropriate clothing choices and how inappropriate ones may garner the wrong kind of attention.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Choose a time and place that is calm and private.
Begin the conversation with empathy, expressing understanding for the desire to get attention from their peers.
Help them to understand that chasing validation not only diminishes it, but it is not necessary for them because they already have so many reasons to feel good about themselves.
Talk through the pointers listed above to begin to build their self-esteem and get them pointed in a better direction.
Let them know that if they are feeling unseen, unappreciated or unimpressive, they can always come to you for a reminder of their awesomeness.
Leave them with the lesson that getting attention isn't a bad thing, but getting it by any means necessary won't give them what they are looking for.