Overly critical of others and blind to her/his own mistakes
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
The intersection of a lack of self-awareness, difficulty in accepting personal responsibility, and a need to develop greater empathy towards others.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with judgement or criticizing the child for being critical won't help the situation, and will only model poor behavior to them.
What The Child Needs
1. Heightened self-awareness: The child needs to develop more self-awareness to recognize and accept her/his own mistakes. Let her/him know that no one does everything perfect all of the time. Give one or two examples of mistakes you have made, and mistakes they have made recently. Teach them that this truth allows us to cut ourselves, and others, a little slack when they make a mistake.
2. A growth mindset: Rather than try to deflect attention to others' mistakes, encourage a growth mindset where the child owns their mistakes. Encourage them to see these mess-ups as opportunities for learning, growth and even better relationships where everyone feels respected and supports each other in fixing the situation.
3. More empathy towards others: Foster empathy by helping the child consider the feelings of others and how criticism can affect them. Ask them to imagine how it would feel if they already felt bad about doing something wrong, and then another person unnecessarily came over and criticized them for it.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a moment away from others and distractions when you think your child will be receptive to talking.
Share that you have noticed they have been judging others pretty harshly lately and it isn't good for anyone.
Let them know that you want to have a quick chat to help them realize what they haven't been seeing.
Using a tone that is more informative (not lecturing), talk through the 3 pointers under "What The Child Needs".
Anything you can do to make it more of a learning journey, with things like "It took me a while to understand..." or "I was your age when it really hit me that...", will draw in your child to the conversation instead of triggering their mental walls to go up.
End the conversation with a hug and thank them for listening.