Scared of new things or people
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
They are being push away from what makes them feel safe, towards something they don't trust or are uncomfortable with.
What Will Make It Worse
Forcing the child into new situations without preparation, or reacting with impatience when they feel scared, will worsen the situation.
Also, dismissing their fears or labeling them as "shy" or "stubborn" will do nothing to address this behavior.
What The Child Needs
1. Sufficient trust to take the leap: They need to believe that you would never set them up for disaster or harm - rather you already know the good that will come from the thing or person being introduced into their life.
2. To be reminded how many things or people that make them happy now were at one point in the past, "new and scary."
3. Support during transitions: Offer understanding of their feelings and reassurance during these transitions and growth moments.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a private space where the child feels comfortable to talk without distractions.
Use empathy and active listening to better understand what they are trying to avoid when they are scared, and show that you genuinely care about their concerns.
Listen without interrupting, so the child feels heard and validated. Avoid judgment and criticism during the conversation.
Celebrate past similar successful moments in their lives (e.g. did a new activity back then that they still enjoy now, had a new teacher in the past that they ended up liking, made a new friend) that they can be proud of and reflect on to build confidence for what they are apprehensive of now.