Started lying to me
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
This problem is likely due to a combination of the factors, such as fear of consequences, a desire to avoid disappointment, and/or a lack of understanding of the importance of honesty.
What Will Make It Worse
Anything on your part that causes the child to believe that telling you the truth, or revealing a past lie, will bring more trouble to them than possibly getting caught later in the lie.
What The Child Needs
1. A greater sense of safety: The child needs to feel safe being honest with you. This can be achieved by always being calm, understanding and fair with them. If they have been frightened or felt unjustly treated by you in some way in the past, they are going to assume it will happen again. Discuss if they have these feelings towards you, and if so, what can be done to repair the relationship.
2. To understand the value of honesty: Help the child understand the impact lying can have on relationships and trust of them. Additionally, bring it to their attention that keeping a wrong-doing secret or hidden won't stop the resulting consequence or damage from happening and we owe it to those affected by our actions to make it right.
3. To see punishment as a reminder: We all are in a constant state of mental growth and punishments help us remember to move away from what is no good for us and towards better actions. Help them understand that getting a punishment doesn't define our character, it is meant to shape it for the better.
4. Positive behavior reinforcement: Praise and recognize the child when they demonstrate honesty, emphasizing them being honorable by telling the truth.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Choose a time and place that is calm and private.
Begin the conversation with love and curiosity, expressing genuine interest in their reasons for lying. Let the child know that you want to hear their perspective and build a stronger relationship with them and will listen actively without making them feel bad.
Next, talk through what they need as provided above.
Help them to see why lying is taken so seriously and how although it may bring negative attention to them in the short term, telling the truth is always best for them and everyone involved.
Leave them with the lesson that no one is perfect, and you love them unconditionally. Taking responsibility for themselves will always keep you close, not cause problems between you two.