Stealing toys from stores, friends and/or the classroom
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
This is often a mix of several factors including a lack of impulse control and empathy, seeking attention, and/or unmet emotional needs.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with anger, punishment, or shaming the child can worsen the situation leading to them focus on better means of not getting caught.
Labeling the child as a "thief" or punishing them harshly might reinforce negative self-perceptions, and possibly shape their identity for years to come.
What The Child Needs
1. To explore their reasons: Encourage the child to share their feelings and thoughts around their motive for stealing. Let them know that you are there to listen without judgment, and that you want to understand them better.
2. Emotional regulation skills: Help the child develop skills to manage impulses, and take better actions to address any underlying emotional needs or stressors.
3. To value ownership and boundaries: Talk about the concept of ownership and the importance of respecting others' belongings. Help the child understand the negative impact stealing has on others, in addition to the resulting damaged trust and hurt relationships.
4. Clear boundaries: Clearly communicate your expectations to stop stealing and let them know the consequences of this continued behavior.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a time when the child feels comfortable to talk, without distractions around.
Use empathy and active listening to better understand these stealing incidents, and show that you genuinely care why the child did what they did.
Listen without interrupting, so the child feels heard and validated. Avoid judgment and criticism during the conversation.
The child seeing you understand their perspective and feelings is key towards moving to a change or solutions that everyone feels good about.
Even if it doesn't all happen in one conversation, start acting on the provided list of items that the child needs.
The point is not to overlook the stealing or eliminate punishment, it is to shift the effort and focus to addressing the child's underdeveloped perspective rather than doubling down on harsher responses.