Throws a temper tantrum when things don't go their way
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
The child doesn't understand why, in their eyes, what makes them happy is under threat.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with frustration and anger is only going to sustain this emotional state for longer.
Giving in to the child's demands during a tantrum will reinforce the behavior.
Ignoring the tantrum or dismissing the child's feelings will lead to a sense of isolation and increased emotional stress.
What The Child Needs
1. To work on their emotional regulation: The child needs support in developing skills to express their feelings in healthier ways. Help them identify their emotions by what their body is doing, understand why they feel a certain way, and provide coping strategies for big feelings (e.g. teach deep breathing, taking a break, or using calming techniques).
2. To feel empathy and understanding from their parent: Let the child know that their feelings and frustrations are being heard and that you are there to support them through their emotions.
3. Clear and expected behavior boundaries: Set consistent boundaries around acceptable behavior. Communicate calmly and assertively, letting the child know that tantrums are not an effective way to get what they want.
4. Enhanced problem-solving skills: Teach the child problem-solving skills so they can learn to communicate their needs or desires in a more constructive manner. Encourage them to use words to express themselves, rather than resorting to tantrums.
5. Positive reinforcement: Praise and recognize the child when they communicate their feelings and needs effectively, even if it's not during a tantrum. Positive attention reinforces appropriate behavior.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a time and place where the child feels comfortable to talk without distractions.
Use empathy and active listening to better understand why they went into a tantrum, and show that you genuinely care that they were frustrated.
Listen without interrupting, so the child feels heard and validated. Avoid judgment and criticism during the conversation.
The child seeing you understanding their perspective and feelings is key towards achieving better behavior.
Even if it doesn't all happen in one conversation, start acting on the provided list of items that the child needs.
Collaborate with the child to set positive behavior goals and offer support in achieving them.