Too much aggression towards others
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
The child is trying to protect something important to them, often with little or no empathy towards the person they are interacting with.
What Will Make It Worse
Reacting with anger or aggression towards the child will only keep them in their aggressive emotional state longer and do nothing to model appropriate behavior.
What The Child Needs
1. Better emotional regulation skills: The child needs your help to learn the importance of managing strong emotions and using strategies such as deep breathing, counting, or taking a break when they feel overwhelmed.
2. Improved conflict resolution skills: Teach the child constructive ways to resolve perceived conflicts by addressing their needs and feelings through their words.
3. Deeper empathy and understanding of their actions: Help the child develop empathy towards others and start to see the negative impact of how their own actions will make others feel and react.
4. Clear boundaries: Clearly communicate your expectations around appropriate behavior and let them know what the consequences of inappropriate behavior will be.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a private space where the child feels comfortable to talk without distractions.
Use empathy and active listening to better understand the situation, and show that you genuinely care why the child did what they did.
Listen without interrupting, so the child feels heard and validated. Avoid judgment and criticism during the conversation.
Understanding their perspective and feelings is key to moving towards a change or solution that everyone feels good about.
Even if it doesn't all happen in one conversation, start acting on the provided items that the child needs.
Ideally, collaborate with the child to set positive behavior goals and offer support in achieving them.