Wanting to win by any means / Cheating
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
A strong desire for success and validation, plus a fear of failure and a lack of understanding the importance of sportsmanship.
What Will Make It Worse
A neutral or impressed reaction will ensure this behavior keeps happening.
What The Child Needs
1. To see then need for sportsmanship above all: The child needs to learn about the importance playing fair, showing respect for others, and valuing the game itself over the outcome. Without these elements of sportsmanship, the fun of the game is lost in the moment and no one will want to play again with them in the future.
2. To see the value of honesty: Help them to see their honesty earns respect, builds stability in their lives, and generally outshines any game loss or poor performance. Then emphasize the negative consequences of cheating, such as harming relationships with those involved, and getting a bad reputation for being untrustworthy.
3. To appreciate losses: Teach them the positive significance of failures, i.e. Learning a better way as a result of a failure is a really important growth moment that will make them an even tougher competitor in the next game.
4. Clear consequences: Clearly communicate what the consequences will be in the future every time they exhibit poor sportsmanship or cheating in a game, as a deterrent.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a place free of distractions where the child will feel comfortable talking freely.
Begin the conversation calmly, expressing that you have noticed that recently the child has been doing whatever it takes to win.
Continue with empathy, expressing that you know all the bad feelings that can come from losing a game, but there is a point where a win from poor sportsmanship is worse than a loss.
Work through the list of what they need in a tone that makes them feel like you are helping them level up to understanding the nature of sports beyond the literally playing of the game so they can go on to achieve even great things, in part because of the losses.
Ideally your child comes away from the conversation understanding the big picture of what it takes to be a top player in the game and an appreciation for both the highs and lows of sports.