Whining to get what he/she wants
Before You Begin
Pause and breathe. Even if this shouldn't be happening... accept that it is and embrace it with composure and calmness.
Calmness is the only way forward because without calm, there is no possibility for receptiveness and connection. Your child won't give to you any more than they see from you.
Never forget that a strong connection is fundamental, as there will be no correction in them if there is no connection with you.
The Core Problem
This is caused by a lack of effective communication skills, frustration with unmet desires, and very often is a learned behavior that has been reinforced in the past.
What Will Make It Worse
Giving in to the child's demands, or ignoring the whining can both reinforce the behavior and make it worse.
Criticizing or shaming the child for whining will do nothing to make them feel heard.
You can't expect a child to display a skill they don't have, even if you think they "should know by now."
What The Child Needs
1. Effective communication skills: The child needs to learn more effective ways to express their feelings and desires. Talk to them about about more appropriate ways to communicate, such as using a normal but assertive voice, using polite words, and making eye contact when speaking.
2. Emotional regulation skills: Teach the child skills to manage frustration and disappointment when they don't get what they want.
3. Understanding consequences: Help the child understand that whining is not an effective way to get what they want and it will not be rewarded.
4. Positive reinforcement: Offer positive reinforcement and attention when the child communicates their desires calmly and respectfully, encouraging them to use these skills more often.
How To Have The Conversation With Your Child
Find a time and place where the child feels comfortable to talk without distractions.
Explain to them what whining is and what it looks like. Use empathy and active listening to better understand from their perspective why they whine, and show that you genuinely care that they get frustrated.
Listen without interrupting, so the child feels heard and validated. Avoid judgment and criticism during the conversation.
The child seeing you understanding their perspective and feelings is key towards achieving better behavior.
Even if it doesn't all happen in one conversation, start acting on the provided list of items that the child needs.
Collaborate with the child to set positive behavior goals and offer support in achieving them.